“Big Sis, how do I know if my relationship is healthy? My boyfriend and I are getting close, but I want to make sure I’m protecting myself emotionally and physically. How do I love safe without killing the vibe?”
Yoh, chomma, first off, props to you for asking the big questions! It's so easy to jump headfirst into love without checking if we’ve packed in the essentials: Sjoe! What are the essentials? Consent, respect, protection and a whole lotta self-love, nje!
Loving safe isn’t just about condoms (although they’re a must, neh?) – it’s about protecting your heart, mind, and body while making sure your partner’s doing the same.
When we talk about loving safe, we’re talking about good vibes. The vibe always gotta be right when you're opening yourself up in any relationship. A dope vibe means you and your partner feel protected, respected, and understood – on ALL levels - emotionally and when getting down and in sexy times. Safety is a package, chomma. Love must leave you feeling uplifted, not drained.
If love doesn’t check all three boxes, it’s time to rethink the situation.
Let me put it this way, sis. Consent is the non-negotiable golden rule - legally too. If it’s not enthusiastic, clear, and ongoing, it’s not consent. And continuing anything without consent is a CRIME, hun. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re “being difficult” for having boundaries, you get me?
Consent isn’t just sexy; it’s a sign of respect. If someone can’t respect your no, they don’t deserve your yes.
Mo’ghel, let’s get practical. If you’re sexually active or thinking about it, keeping it safe under the sheets is a big part of loving safe. Here’s the tea:
And remember: if someone says they don’t like condoms, ask them if they like respect. Periodt.
It’s easy to catch feels, especially when you’re in the honeymoon phase and everything feels like a rom-com. But emotional safety means you’re not walking on eggshells or second-guessing your worth.
Signs of an emotionally safe relationship:
If your boo is making you feel small, insecure, or unsure, that’s not love – that’s manipulation, and we don’t do that here.
Let’s talk about respect, chomi. Loving safe starts with respecting yourself enough to set standards and sticking to them.
If your partner:
Then it’s time to skrr skrr. You deserve a love that lifts you, not one that makes you feel less than.
Bringing up safe love with your partner might feel awkward, but if they truly care, they’ll be all ears. Try this:
Here’s the 411 chomma: safe love starts with YOU. Be secure in your self-worth -don’t settle for a love that doesn’t meet your standards. You’re the Beyonce of your own life - you make the rules.
And don’t forget, your Big Sis is here for you, always.
Need advice? Feeling unsure?
Chat to me girl.
Big Sis