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Loving Safe: What Does It Really Mean?

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“Big Sis, how do I know if my relationship is healthy? My boyfriend and I are getting close, but I want to make sure I’m protecting myself emotionally and physically. How do I love safe without killing the vibe?”

Yoh, chomma, first off, props to you for asking the big questions! It's so easy to jump headfirst into love without checking if we’ve packed in the essentials: Sjoe! What are the essentials? Consent, respect, protection and a whole lotta self-love, nje!

Loving safe isn’t just about condoms (although they’re a must, neh?) – it’s about protecting your heart, mind, and body while making sure your partner’s doing the same.

What Does Loving Safe Look Like?

When we talk about loving safe, we’re talking about good vibes. The vibe always gotta be right when you're opening yourself up in any relationship. A dope vibe means you and your partner feel protected, respected, and understood – on ALL levels - emotionally and when getting down and in sexy times. Safety is a package, chomma. Love must leave you feeling uplifted, not drained.

  • Physically safe love: No pregnancy or STI scares - Haibo! You’ve got your protection game on lock! And it goes without saying - No means NO.
  • Emotionally safe love: Your feelings are heard, and your boundaries are respected. You can talk about anything and you are acknowledged.
  • Mentally safe love: No gaslighting, no manipulative drama – just a solid space where you can be your authentic self.

If love doesn’t check all three boxes, it’s time to rethink the situation.

Consent: The Foundation of Safe Love

Let me put it this way, sis. Consent is the non-negotiable golden rule - legally too. If it’s not enthusiastic, clear, and ongoing, it’s not consent. And continuing anything without consent is a CRIME, hun. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re “being difficult” for having boundaries, you get me?

  • Enthusiastic consent: A loud and happy “YES!” not a hesitant “uh… I guess.”
  • Clear consent: You’re 100% sure of what’s going down – no confusion, no assumptions.
  • Ongoing consent: Just because you said “yes” yesterday doesn’t mean it’s a free pass for today. You can stop anytime.

Consent isn’t just sexy; it’s a sign of respect. If someone can’t respect your no, they don’t deserve your yes.

Safe Sex = Smart Love

Mo’ghel, let’s get practical. If you’re sexually active or thinking about it, keeping it safe under the sheets is a big part of loving safe. Here’s the tea:

  • Condoms are key: They protect against STIs and pregnancy. Plus, they’re super easy to use – just ask your clinic or Big Sis for tips.
  • Get tested together: Normalise STI testing, babe. It’s a sign of care, not suspicion. Regular tests show you both value each other’s health.
  • Contraceptives: Your clinic should have a few options that suit your specific needs, baba. Whether it’s the pill, the shot, or an IUD, there’s something for you that will work to prevent pregnancy

And remember: if someone says they don’t like condoms, ask them if they like respect. Periodt.

Emotional Safety: Protect Your Heart, Boo

It’s easy to catch feels, especially when you’re in the honeymoon phase and everything feels like a rom-com. But emotional safety means you’re not walking on eggshells or second-guessing your worth.

Signs of an emotionally safe relationship:

  • You can communicate openly without fear.
  • Your boundaries are not just heard – they’re honoured.
  • There’s no jealousy or controlling vibes, just trust.

If your boo is making you feel small, insecure, or unsure, that’s not love – that’s manipulation, and we don’t do that here.

The Importance of Respect

Let’s talk about respect, chomi. Loving safe starts with respecting yourself enough to set standards and sticking to them.

If your partner:

  • Keeps trying to rush things.
  • Won’t respect your boundaries.
  • Makes you feel bad for saying no...

Then it’s time to skrr skrr. You deserve a love that lifts you, not one that makes you feel less than.

How to Have the Talk

Bringing up safe love with your partner might feel awkward, but if they truly care, they’ll be all ears. Try this:

  • Be honest: “Babe, I really like where this is going, but I need us to chat about how to stay safe and respectful.”
  • Make it about teamwork: “We both deserve to feel safe, yeah?”
  • Set the tone: Keep it light but firm. You’re not asking for permission; you’re setting the standard.

Big Sis Says: Love Yourself First

Here’s the 411 chomma: safe love starts with YOU. Be secure in your self-worth -don’t settle for a love that doesn’t meet your standards. You’re the Beyonce of your own life - you make the rules.

And don’t forget, your Big Sis is here for you, always.

Need advice? Feeling unsure?

Chat to me girl.

Big Sis