Big Sis, how do you even start a convo about HIV with someone you're dating? If you’ve been together for a while, or just getting close to them? Like, I want to be open about testing and protection, but I’m scared it’ll make things awkward or kill the vibe. How do I even bring it up without sounding too serious or making them feel judged?
Let me start by saying I am so proud of you, ghel. Even just wanting to have this convo, and knowing how important it is means you have your ducks in a row!
It’s all about keeping it real, ghel. Having information means that each partner can give informed consent about what the next step is in that relationship.
Consent is more than just a “yes” or “no.” It’s about feeling safe, respected, and comfortable with whatever’s happening. When you’re with someone, you both should feel in control. Talking openly about what you’re both comfortable with—especially when it comes to protection—is key to preventing HIV.
A new relationship
Let’s say you have just started vibing with a dope new person, and things are getting heated - it might seem like talking about HIV and getting tested could dampen the mood, neh? Hell nah, let’s change how we look at things that people have called awkward.
I think it’s actually gonna make the mood even better.
How cool is it for you both to care enough about having a good sexual relationship, by making sure you guys are healthy and safe? TBH that’s the sexiest thing ever.
Starting the Conversation
Start by saying something like:
These convos can be super chill, so don’t stress too much.
An older relationship
Whether it’s a new relationship or a long-term one, regular testing helps you both stay informed. Consider suggesting it as a way to look after each other’s health: “How about we make testing a regular part of our self-care routine?” HIV prevention isn’t a “one-time” chat. Keep the conversation going as your relationship grows and changes.
Check-in with each other: “How do you feel about our routine? Is there anything you’d like us to do differently?” These check-ins make it easier to adapt together and stay committed to each other’s health and well-being.
Boundaries
Sis, there are also some red flags to look out for when having these convos, new partner or old flame. If your partner doesn't respect that you want to get tested or use protection as part of your sexual health, it might be time to walk away, chomma. Everyone in the relationship needs to be on board with doing what is best - and your safety comes first, yebo?
Consent means knowing it’s okay to set boundaries and say, “Let’s take this slow.”
Consent goes hand-in-hand with honesty and understanding - and being able to talk about anything. Why would you want to sleep with someone who you can’t speak to?
Communication Is a Love Language
Good communication helps you trust each other more and makes sure there’s zero room for misunderstandings. When both of you are on the same page, you’re stronger as a unit. So, say it with me: Consent + Communication = Care. Openly discussing your status, using protection, and keeping up with regular testing means you’re looking out for each other in the best way.
Educate Yourselves Together
HIV prevention is always evolving, and staying informed together strengthens your commitment. Look up resources, attend informational events, or connect with community health programs. Remember, many clinics offer free or affordable testing and contraceptives, and some even provide couple-friendly sessions.
Having accurate knowledge helps you both make grown-up decisions. You know we stan an empowered queen, and knowing your ish makes you empowered.
I am here if you need more info,
Big Sis
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