Hey Big Sis! My friends keep talking about consent in relationships, but I'm not sure what it means or how to talk about it with my partner. Can you help me understand?
Heyyy mo'ghel! Lemme tell you why consent is everything when it comes to having healthy relationships. In a relationship, sexual or not, everyone should be there of their own free will. That means no one has been forced into anything that makes them feel uncomfortable - and no one needs to do anything physical (kissing, touching, hugging) that they don’t wanna do, right?
As we all learn from a very young age - ‘No means No’. Full stop. Punt.
Sis - consent means getting a clear "yes" from your partner before ANY kind of physical intimacy or sexual activity. And I mean ANY kind - and making sure both of you are 100% comfortable and happy with what's happening.
But listen up queen - consent isn't just about hearing "yes" once! There’s more to it, you see?
Given without any pressure: This means no guilt-tripping or no manipulation. If your boo is making you feel bad for saying no, that's a major red flag, sis! Your partner should respect your choices, and you should respect theirs! It works both ways, 100% of the time.
Reversible, chom - You can change your mind at ANY time! Even if you said yes before, you can always say no later on a different occasion. If either of you wants to stop, everything stops right there - no questions asked!
Informed - No surprises or hidden agendas. Both of you need to know exactly what you're saying yes to. Being clear about your boundaries and expectations is key, girl!
Enthusiastic - If your partner seems unsure or hesitant, pause and check in with them. Remember, silence is NOT consent either. A reluctant "okay" is NOT consent! Look for an excited "YES!"
Specific - Saying yes to one thing (like kissing) doesn't mean yes to everything else. Check in with each other as things progress. It's super important to keep that communication flowing!
Now, I know what you might be thinking - "But Big Sis, won't asking for consent kill the mood?" Girl, trust me when I say this: nothing is sexier than showing your partner you respect them enough to ask!
Here are a few party starters:
And remember babes, if your partner says any of these things, they mean NO:
Also, be mindful of any silence or changing the subject - they ain’t feeling it, boo.
One more thing, Sana - if you're under the influence of alcohol or drugs, you CAN'T give consent.
And if your partner is under the influence, they can't give consent either. Period!
You're doing amazing by learning about consent, queen! It shows you value yourself and your partner.
Stay safe and empowered!
Big Sis
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