Hey Big Sis! I am into my boyfriend so so much, sjoe! Real Love typ things. But sometimes I feel scared to say no to things he asks of me. Like, I'm low-key scared of losing him -but not always into the vibes, you know? How do I set boundaries without messing up my relationship?
Gurrl, my heart goes out to you! But chom I gotta keep it 100 - if it feels like someone might pull away from you just because you set up a boundary then that’s a surefire red flag! Haibo, Ghel. Speak to someone about getting some distance between you and whoever doesn't respect your ’no’ as a full sentence.
But if your partner hasn't shown red flag behaviour, but you are scared in general about setting a boundary (unfamiliar territory, am I right?) - I can talk through it, sis.
Let me give you some tea, neh chom; setting boundaries isn't about pushing people away - it's about loving yourself enough to create a relationship that feels safe and real. And trust your Big Sis on this one - any partner worth keeping will respect your boundaries - and if you are worth keeping, you'll respect theirs!
Babes think of boundaries like the walls of your house. They protect what's precious (that's you, queen!) and let you decide who gets to come in and how close they can get to your valuables, ya feel me? Your boundaries are your rules. They tell others how you want to be treated.
Mo'ghel - boundaries aren't just nice to have, they're A MUST HAVE - non-negotiable!
Here's why:
Number 1 rule of boundaries - You are a whole queen all by yourself! You don't need anyone's permission to have boundaries. Your feelings and comfort matter just as much as your partner's.
You don't have to do everything at once, sis.
Maybe start with something like:
Don't beat around the bush, girl! Say:
Stand Your Ground
If your partner tries to make you feel bad about your boundaries or tries to cross them, that's a red flag, sis! A person who truly cares about you will respect your limits.
If you're struggling with setting or maintaining boundaries, or if your partner's reaction to your boundaries is making you feel unsafe, you can always call the Big Sis Helpline mahala on 0800 12 84 55 (Mondays to Fridays 7 - 7, and Saturdays 8.30 - 12.30). Our counsellors are here to support you!
Mo'ghel. If your partner:
Then it's time to ask yourself some serious questions about whether this relationship is safe and healthy for you.
Setting boundaries isn't selfish - it's self-love!
And anyone who deserves your love will respect them. You got this, sis!
Big Sis
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