Hey Big Sis, I fight with my boyfriend sometimes, and we can say some hectic, rude things, Sjoe. I'm telling you, it gets heated. But we chilled again the next day. I'm not trying to be in a toxic relationship, though — what does that even look like?
Chomma, there is a big difference between a run-of-the-mill relationship argument and a red flag situation. You gotta be aware of the differences so that you can keep your relationship drama-free but also safe!
Have you heard of red flags and green flags?
A red flag is a no-no, anything that makes you think, ‘ha ah, something ain’t adding up’, and a green flag is anything that makes you feel good and safe.
A healthy relationship has more green flags by far.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Sis, a healthy relationship can look like many things, TBH, but they all share key elements; trust, loyalty, respect, and so much more that we will get into.
One thing healthy relationships have in common is that the two people who are in them are friends and can talk and talk and talk about anything. Open communication is at the core of a healthy relationship, where both partners feel heard, even in disagreement. And disagreements aren't shouting matches! You can actually talk and give each other the floor to say things and deal with them—that’s mature and respectful!
Finally, when it comes to conflict resolution, tackling disagreements respectfully without judgment is key to finding solutions together and keeping the bond strong.
If we ain't got trust, we ain't got nothing .. Trust is built on honesty and integrity, ensuring emotional safety. Both partners should feel secure, knowing their boundaries and needs are respected. Maintaining individuality is also essential, as both people support each other while nurturing their own identities. A dynamic relationship thrives on curiosity about each other’s growth and goals, keeping things exciting.
A healthy relationship also values time apart—personal space helps partners refresh and miss each other, get time to maintain independence, pursue their hobbies, and see their friends and family. Playfulness brings humor and lightheartedness, easing stress and keeping the relationship fun.
Ayy, let’s talk about boundaries, ne.
Sexual boundaries are all about respect and making sure you’re both comfortable when engaging in anything physical. Always ask for consent, and don’t be shy to check in with your partner to see how they’re feeling. Even if you’ve been together for a minute, keep it real and talk about things like how often you’re both up for it and how you’re handling stuff like contraception.
Emotional boundaries? Gotta protect your mental wellbeing , mos. Sometimes you gotta say, "Mara I’m not talking about this right now; I need to focus." It’s about knowing what’s too much for you, like not taking responsibility for how someone feels when you turn them down for that second date. It’s all about knowing what’s right for YOU and keeping that energy intact, you know?
Not all relationships are built right, and not all crushes act right -so keep an eye out for these signs, chomma:
If any of this sounds too familiar, it might be time for some real talk or couples therapy, you know? Healthy relationships need effort from both sides to make it last.
Respect Differences: Appreciate what makes you both special; don’t try to change each other.
Teamwork: When there’s drama, you deal with it together, no solo missions.
Try New Things: Shake things up with new activities so you don’t get stuck in a rut.
Share Goals: Know where you’re headed and support each other in getting there.
Babyghel, before you get too deep into your relationship, check in with your number 1 - yourself. Then check in with your partner. You gotta make sure you're both on the same page, that you're both growing and vibing with each other.
Asking the right questions can help you figure out if you're in a healthy space or if some stuff needs work.
Real relationships are about good communication, respect, and understanding each other’s needs. If your relationship seems to be falling apart, don’t be shy to seek professional help to fix it
And if the flags are neon red, we move - you deserve better mo’ghel.
Hit me up, and I will guide you in the right direction,
Big Sis.
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