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Ask Big Sis: How Can I Take Care Of Myself After A Breakup?

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Hey Big Sis, how do I deal with a broken heart after a breakup?

Ah, mo'ghel, I know it hurts like crazy, especially when you thought that you and your boo would be together forever and be #couplegoals. It's normal to be in your feels when you're going through a breakup, and you don't have to hold back. I want to let you know that it's super important to allow yourself the time and space to go through what you need to go through, sis. Cry, scream into a pillow and let it all out.

Something that has helped many people when they were going through a breakup was to spend some time journalling. Sana, it can be a super powerful tool to help you explore what's going on in your mind and heart. It's like having a conversation with someone you trust, and it's a safe space for you to pour out your thoughts and feelings without judgement. You can also do some physical exercise or dance in your room. It's a great way to release some happy hormones, aka endorphins. It will really help you get your vibes up, girl and believe me. Nothing beats a good workout sesh with your favourite tunes or podcast playing in the background.

When life has thrown you a curveball it can also be a great time to try something new - think of a hobby you’ve always wanted to start, or a book you’ve always wanted to read. Focusing on yourself and doing things that bring you joy can level up your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Learning something new can help to remind you of the queen you are!

Another thing is to surround yourself with your besties, people and things that make you happy, like cooking, drawing, writing poetry. It can be anything that makes you feel like you got this! Also, talk to your besties and family about how you feel, girl. Sometimes talking to peeps we trust can be like magic. It makes our hearts feel lighter.

I know it might feel like these difficult feelings will last forever but the truth is sis that it'll get a little easier each day. Just be patient and gentle with yourself. You got this.

I’ve been struggling to focus on my studies after I broke up with my boo. How can I deal with this so I can be on track with my school work?

Girl, I totally get it. Focusing on your schoolwork after a break-up can be tricky. But don't worry, sis, I gotchu.

First things first, be gentle with yourself, girl. Breaking up with someone can be emotionally draining. Giving yourself some time to heal is important. You know I'm big on self-care. Make sure that you get enough sleep, eat healthily and make time for the things you enjoy. It will really make you feel more motivated, help to remind you of all the good things in your life, and means you’ll be more ready to tackle your studies.

Next, try to create a study timetable that works for you. You can break the study time into smaller chunks that you can manage with short breaks in between to relax and recharge. This way, it won't feel overwhelming, and it'll be easy to get into the swing of things and get your groove back.

Another thing is to find a study space that helps you focus. You can go to your local library, a friend or relative's home, or even a quiet room at your nearby NGO. It will help you by making sure you’re not sitting alone with your thoughts about the breakup, and make sure you have a space to focus on your studies. You'll be so surprised by how much you can get done!

Last thing, sis, be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, mo'ghel. It's okay if you don't bounce back to your usual study vibe right away. Take it one step at a time, and you'll be back on track soon. You got this, queen!

There is someone I like, but I’m afraid of being hurt again if I start dating someone new. How can I move past this fear?

Sis, I feel you. When you're afraid of being hurt again, dating someone new can sometimes feel like a heavy cloud hanging over you. It's normal to feel this way, especially after a tough breakup.

I'm here to tell you that fear should never hold you back from experiencing new things and making new memories with someone you're really into.

But before you feel the pressure to find a new boo, I hope you’ve made sure to make time for yourself first, sis. Take time to rediscover yourself, your passions and what you want from a future relationship. It's true what they say about time being the best healer. Moving and doing things at your own pace is OK. It's OK if you want to avoid rushing into a new relationship if you're not ready. It's also good to focus on self-love and prioritising your own happiness. One thing I've learned is that the more I love myself, the less afraid I am of getting hurt because I know I’m going to make choices that are right for me, and that I’m strong enough to get through anything!

Once you are ready, it can be a boss move to let your past experiences be a lesson. Don't get me wrong, it's not to say that you're holding on to the past, but taking the time to reflect on your past relationship and asking yourself what you learned from it, what red flags you will look out for in the future, and understanding your past experiences can help you make better choices moving forward.

If you’re struggling with some tricky feelings from your last relationship it’s a smart move to chat to a pro about them - you can always call the Big Sis Helpline mahala on 0800 12 84 55 (Mondays to Fridays 7 - 7, and Saturdays 8.30 - 12.30) and a trained counsellor willl be able to give you some support or direct you to services in your area.

Sis, you deserve all the love and respect. You got this!

I feel like I’m alone in this pain. How can I reach out for support without feeling shame?

Sis, I'm so proud of you for wanting to reach out for support. It's such a power move because it’s a step towards healing. Another thing I want you to remember is that you are never alone in pain. We all go through tough times, and it's totally OK to lean on others when you need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on.

There is really no shame in asking for help when you need it. Talking to someone about your feelings can make a world of difference. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you can bring so much peace and comfort, so try sharing your thoughts and emotions with a close bestie, your family or someone else you trust.

If you are not ready to talk to someone you know, there are helplines where you can talk to a trained pro who is ready to listen and support you.

You can try the Big Sis Helpline, Mahala, from Monday to Friday, 7am - 7pm, or Saturdays 8.30 - 12.30 on 0800 12 84 55 to chat to a real-life counsellor. It's a judgement-free zone, and they help you go through challenging emotions.

Sis, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve to be supported and cared for. Don’t let fear and shame hold you back from looking for the help you need.