Let’s talk about virginity, sis.
Not the biology textbook version, that’s important too, but for another talk.
I wanna dig into the social side of virginity, especially for women. I bet most sistas would agree it’s been twisted, right? Held over our heads like a prize (Sheesh, or a warning is more accurate).
Because for too long, society has treated a girl’s worth like it’s something that can be lost.
C’mon, vaginas aren’t fragile.
Ha ah, imagine a penis can be that mighty to change your identity? Hai ’suka man.
Let’s be clear on one thing: you were always worthy. With or without a so-called "V-card."
Biologically? Virginity is not something that can be proven. It is typically defined as not having had sexual intercourse, but interpretations vary across cultures and individuals. The idea that someone can look at your body and “know” whether or not you’ve had sex? That’s a myth, chom.
There is no medical test that can confirm virginity, not even the hymen check (a membrane in the vagina that can break from literally riding a horse), which has been thoroughly debunked by global health experts, including the World Health Organization.
The hymen can stretch or tear from non-sexual activity like sport, inserting a tampon, or even just naturally over time. And some people are born without one. So, the “broken hymen = lost virginity” story? It’s not science.
Let’s call it what it is: The patriarchy.
Historically, virginity was used to control women’s bodies. In many cultures, a girl’s virginity was tied to her family’s honour and her bride price. It was never really about her, it was about what she could offer others. Purity. Obedience. Value.
And even now, in a supposedly “modern” world, you’ll still hear things like:
Sound familiar? That’s shame, hun, dressed up as tradition.
Purity culture teaches girls to measure themselves by what they haven’t done. It tells them that having sex makes them dirty, used, or less valuable. But here’s the double standard: guys are praised for having sex, while girls are shamed for the same thing.
This creates anxiety, secrecy, and guilt around sex, especially for young women exploring their bodies and sexuality.
Even if you wait to have sex, it should be because you want to, not because you’re afraid of being judged or “ruining” yourself. Your body is not a transaction. Your choices are not a public debate.
Whether you’ve had sex or not, your worth is not tied to your sexual history. You are not less. You are not more. You are just you, and that is enough.
Here’s how to start letting go of the shame and rewriting your story:
Sis, many of us were raised in environments where even talking about sex was taboo. Maybe you were judged harshly. Maybe someone made you feel guilty for something consensual. Maybe you’re still carrying that shame.
It’s never too late to let go of those beliefs.
You didn’t do anything wrong by being curious, by feeling desire, by making decisions about your body.
Your body is not dirty.
And anyone who made you feel that way was wrong.
This isn’t just about sex. It’s about freedom. You know my favourite word is consent, neh?
The freedom to choose for yourself. You don’t need to “protect” your value, you are the value Mo’ghel.
Whether figuring it out for the first time or trying to unlearn old stories, know this: Big Sis sees you. No judgement. Just truth, support, and room to grow.
If you ever feel unsafe or unsure about how to talk about this stuff — even with friends or family — And if you ever need to talk it out.,
the Big Sis Helpline is here to help you figure it out, safely and privately.
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